"Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal"
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bid to reassure the nation, Pete Hegseth said on Friday that, if he is confirmed as Secretary of Defense, he will connect a breathalyzer device to the nation’s nuclear arsenal.
“There are these things that you blow into that attach to the ignition of your car,” he told reporters. “I would get one of those, only instead of a car it would be nuclear weapons.”
Hegseth added that he would also submit to a daily phone conversation with his mother, and “if Mom says I don’t sound right, I won’t go near any nukes. Besides, if I’m hung over, I won’t want to set off anything loud.”
In a final pledge, Hegseth said, “I promise the American people: if I’m drunk in the morning, I’ll have someone else drive me to the Pentagon.”
Great find, Paleo! Astute quote from Dr Wang, especially the last sentence:
“People think of gerrymanders as consisting of funny-shaped individual districts. But that’s not true. A clever expert with mapping software can lasso voters wherever they live, and those districts sometimes even look superficially okay. Also, these days gerrymandering is not a single-district offense. Instead, the offense arises from skew in the statewide plan as a whole.”
– Professor Sam Wang, Director of the Electoral Innovation Lab
This is so much better most lists of this kind that solely look at the shape without considering why the shape was made. Kudos for including "clean" looking cracking and not just messy lines.
I really hope Aaron Ford as a Democratic Gubernatorial Candidate unseats Governor Joe Lombardo and then stops the development of the A’s stadium so the team can get summoned back to Oakland.
That’s all I have to say as someone who grew up in the East Bay.
Not all that delusional considering what has been going on in LV. The notion of doing back to Oakland isn't that far fetched at this point although A's owners are going full steam ahead with LV anyway.
That said, the City of Oakland really f-ed up with the incentives to keep the A's in. It should have done this years before Libby Schaaf was even elected Mayor.
Let's see. Breaks went out in one car, but I managed to nurse it 1.5 mi home. Arrives to find other car with a flat. Didn't realize today was Friday 13th, but it tracks.
I feel good about the matchup against Schimmel for WI-SC. His pro-life statements will make it easy to re-run the very sucessful 2023 campaign that gave us control of the court.
"Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal"
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bid to reassure the nation, Pete Hegseth said on Friday that, if he is confirmed as Secretary of Defense, he will connect a breathalyzer device to the nation’s nuclear arsenal.
“There are these things that you blow into that attach to the ignition of your car,” he told reporters. “I would get one of those, only instead of a car it would be nuclear weapons.”
Hegseth added that he would also submit to a daily phone conversation with his mother, and “if Mom says I don’t sound right, I won’t go near any nukes. Besides, if I’m hung over, I won’t want to set off anything loud.”
In a final pledge, Hegseth said, “I promise the American people: if I’m drunk in the morning, I’ll have someone else drive me to the Pentagon.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/hegseth-offers-to-connect-breathalyzer
The worst gerrymandered districts:
https://thefulcrum.us/electoral-reforms/worst-gerrymandered-districts
Great find, Paleo! Astute quote from Dr Wang, especially the last sentence:
“People think of gerrymanders as consisting of funny-shaped individual districts. But that’s not true. A clever expert with mapping software can lasso voters wherever they live, and those districts sometimes even look superficially okay. Also, these days gerrymandering is not a single-district offense. Instead, the offense arises from skew in the statewide plan as a whole.”
– Professor Sam Wang, Director of the Electoral Innovation Lab
This is so much better most lists of this kind that solely look at the shape without considering why the shape was made. Kudos for including "clean" looking cracking and not just messy lines.
Agreed
NV-GOV:
I really hope Aaron Ford as a Democratic Gubernatorial Candidate unseats Governor Joe Lombardo and then stops the development of the A’s stadium so the team can get summoned back to Oakland.
That’s all I have to say as someone who grew up in the East Bay.
Is there even much interest in LV for the A’s? I shudder at the thought of trying to play baseball in 110F heat from May to September
No one in LV wanted the A’s except the A’s owner and Dave Kaval. It’s all an executive decision making matter with fans not taken into account.
There are NO A’s fans in Vegas. A’s fans are in Oakland, East Bay and the Bay Area at large.
It’s bad enough that the Raiders moved to Vegas, which like the push for the A’s went against the fans’ best interests.
It does not matter though; it's about new stadiums and television contracts
Not going to happen
Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman has expressed skepticism over the development and has said the A's owners proposals for a site don't make sense.
https://blog.independent.org/2024/10/01/las-vegas-rethinking-oakland-as-stadium-baseball/
The A's fans in the Bay Area certainly will fire back.
you are delusional if you think that the As are returning to Oakland
Not all that delusional considering what has been going on in LV. The notion of doing back to Oakland isn't that far fetched at this point although A's owners are going full steam ahead with LV anyway.
That said, the City of Oakland really f-ed up with the incentives to keep the A's in. It should have done this years before Libby Schaaf was even elected Mayor.
Totally delusional
Unusually quiet today...
I blame Friday the 13th. Bad vibe day.
Really? I had no idea so many people were superstitious.
Thirteen has always been my lucky number.
Let's see. Breaks went out in one car, but I managed to nurse it 1.5 mi home. Arrives to find other car with a flat. Didn't realize today was Friday 13th, but it tracks.
Lol.. Not sure it's the date though🤔
I feel good about the matchup against Schimmel for WI-SC. His pro-life statements will make it easy to re-run the very sucessful 2023 campaign that gave us control of the court.